Children who are easy to be bullied have those characteristics

Coco is 5 years old this year. She is a very popular child, smart and sensible.

But for a long time, Coco's mother has a problem, that is, Coco is very concerned about what others think of her.

The first time Coco was found to have this psychological phenomenon was when the Children's Day party was held in the kindergarten.

Because Coco's dance was very good, the teacher arranged her to be the leader of the group dance. She was so happy that she was eager to share this with her grandparents after school.

However, during the rehearsal, a word from other children made Coco break down instantly.

That day, Coco wore her favorite pair of princess shoes, and she felt very beautiful.

But one child said, "Your shoes are too ugly!"

Coco wailed when she heard this.

Later, her mother asked her, "Why are you crying so hard?"

Coco hesitated for a long time before answering, "Because that kid said my shoes are ugly."

Moreover, Coco asked to throw away the shoes and never wear them again.

Mom realized that Coco was very concerned about what others said about her.

This is not the first time that this phenomenon has happened. Before, her mother joked with Coco, saying that her hair was too little to wear beautiful plaits. Coco was very angry after hearing this.

As Coco became more emotional, her mother had to pay attention. She was worried that Coco would become more and more inferiority complex.

In fact, this phenomenon is very normal.

In infancy, a child is in the psychological stage of "omnipotent narcissism". He will think that he is the core of the world, and everything outside should revolve around him.

As the age increases, this psychological state will gradually disappear, and children will also begin to accept the fact that "I am not the core of the world".

However, in this process, children tend to be very concerned about the views and evaluations of others.

If parents do not intervene in a timely manner or do not guide correctly, the child's character is likely to be more sensitive, or will over consider the feelings of others, thus ignoring themselves.

01

From a psychological point of view, children will experience a process from "lawlessness" to "heteronomy" during their growth.

At the stage of "lawlessness", children will be self-centered and will not think too much about others' feelings.

But when the child is at the stage of "heteronomy", the child will begin to care about the external evaluation.

In addition, children in early childhood have limited thinking ability and are unable to recognize themselves correctly, so they are easily affected by the outside world.

At this time, children often judge themselves by the external evaluation.

For example, one person jokingly said to the child, "You are really ugly." Children will think they are ugly.

If at this time, parents do not guide in time, but echo and say: "Yes, you are ugly." Then the child will more firmly believe that he is ugly.

Of course, there are no parents who don't like their children. They may just play a joke to amuse their children, but for children around 5 years old, they can't judge.

Once children have formed this kind of cognition based on the evaluation of others, they will become very sensitive.

He will always worry about whether others hate him or not, and even want to be a good child in everyone's eyes.

Usually, such children will have a low sense of self-worth, in other words, they will not easily recognize themselves.

Over time, children will lose their edges and corners, thus blindly catering to the outside world.

At the same time, such children are very vulnerable to exclusion from the outside world.

Once a child is bullied, he will never think it is the other party's fault, but he will think it is because he is not good enough, so he is treated like this.

02

In the process of children's transition from "lawlessness" to "heteronomy", the guidance of parents is particularly important.

The first thing parents need to know is that the child's mind is not yet mature, so it is easy to take their parents' words as authority.

Don't find it interesting to tease the child, so as to make fun of him.

In fact, the child cannot understand, and he may have inferiority complex because of these words.

If some relatives and friends usually play jokes on the children, such as the children are ugly, then parents need to stand up and say to the children: "Mom and Dad think you are beautiful, in fact, you are also very beautiful. In fact, uncles/aunts are playing with you."

After emphasizing this point, we share two practices for parents to help children look at themselves correctly and stop caring about others' eyes.

Practice 1: Do not require children to be perfect, and give them support

Many parents have high requirements for themselves, so in the process of educating their children, they naturally have high requirements for their children.

As parents, children should not be restrained from the perspective of adults.

Therefore, parents need to lower their demands on their children and let them feel that their parents support them unconditionally.

In this way, children will be more confident.

Approach 2: Help children see themselves correctly

Parents need to help their children look at themselves correctly when their cognitive system is not perfect.

For example, if some children are relatively inferiority complex, their parents can often encourage them to speak out and praise what they have done well.

However, if a child has some shortcomings, parents should not over condemn him, but should specifically say what he has done improperly, and then help him to correct it.

Every child has a growing process, in which they will inevitably encounter many problems. What parents should do is to help children face and solve problems together.

Children who learn to solve problems will not grow up too hard.

Children who are easy to be bullied have this characteristic